23 Weeks

Week 23 was a good one!  My biggest complaint right now is that my nausea seems to have returned unfortunately.  I'm not throwing up every day but I spent the first 3-4 hours each morning pretty upset to my stomach and had to use all my will power to keep my breakfast down.  Fingers crossed this is just a quick phase that passes soon!  I'm bummed I didn't do a better job of blogging during my pregnancy with Eli because I've forgotten so much about when I experienced certain things with him.  For example, my feet already started getting swollen and itchy this week and I've just felt a little off.  I know it's all normal and I guess my body is just in a transition stage but it hasn't been too pleasant.  Hopefully my energy picks up and I feel a little better this next week!

We had our regular appointment with our OB on Wednesday and it went really well!  It was so great talking to him since we hadn't seen him in a month and so much had happened since then.  He had received a letter from IMC explaining what was going on but we were able to give him even more details so it was nice to bring him up to speed.  He felt awful for us and said: "Man, you guys have the worst luck!  You'd be better off having no luck but you got stuck with bad luck."  Haha.  He's so great and I always feel so much better after seeing him.  We're going to continue our appointments with him just like normal with the hope that I go full term without anything too out of the ordinary happening.  I like that plan a lot!  I'm measuring right on track and Austin sounded great and was moving around for him so we definitely couldn't have asked for more out of our appointment.  Now I have the lovely glucose test to look forward to next time!

It's easy to see/feel that Austin is quickly getting bigger and stronger because I feel him all the time now and Logan has felt some pretty strong movements too!  Nothing brings a smile to my face easier than feeling this little guy move all around and make his presence known.  We want him to stay in for several more months but we are both getting so excited to welcome him to our little family.

The nursery is just about there!  We will finish up some last minute painting this weekend and we also plan to shop for carpet tomorrow.  As soon as the carpet is in I will be free to decorate!  I have a million different ideas in my mind of what I want to do and my sister-in-law is going to be an amazing help as well with her interior design skills.  We didn't have a bedroom for Eli so this is my first time getting to decorate an actual nursery and I'm loving it :)

It's hard to believe that it has already been a week and a half since our last MCA scan but we have another one coming up on Wednesday!  We're both confident Austin will look healthy and not present any major issues. They will also be doing a growth scan this time so it will be fun to see how he's doing in that department as well.  Fingers crossed for good results next week!

Weight: 134.2 (This week: +.2 | Total: +13.4)

23 weeks down, 15 (hopefully!) to go!  **I will deliver no later than 38 weeks**  

22 Weeks

The biggest event of the week was definitely our second MCA scan!  Thankfully it went really well and Austin continues to please his parents and the doctors.  They had a difficult time getting a good reading because he was moving around so much so the tech would push on my stomach to help him move to a better position and he would just put his head higher and higher in my ribs.  At one point the tech said that she hadn't seen such an active baby in a long time.  We loved hearing that!  **When I told my family about that my brother said: "We will call him Wiggles."  I won't be one bit surprised if that happens and if it sticks...haha.** After about 30 minutes of trying they were finally able to get an accurate reading.  I've included the graph they mark each time for our future reference and for anyone else that's interested.

The graph is pretty self explanatory so you can see that we hope to stay in Zone D the entire time.  The bottom number is how many weeks I am and the number on the left side shows the rate at which he pumps blood to his brain.  The first dot (19 weeks, 4 days) was right around a peak velocity of 19 and the second dot (21 weeks 5 days) was about 21.  His peak velocity is expected to steadily increase over the course of my pregnancy, we just hope it's gradual so we can stay in the safe zone.  As long as Austin stays in Zone D, we only have to go back every 2-3 weeks.

I asked for clarification on when I will be induced if he continues to do well and not need any transfusions.  As we expected, I won't go longer than 37-38 weeks.  We will do an MCA scan at 35 weeks and depending on what his level is at that appointment, they will determine when I will be induced but it would no later than three weeks from then.  Another question I asked was if Austin would have to be taken to the NICU right away or if we'll get a chance to see him first and the doctor said that if he is stable up until delivery there's no reason we shouldn't be able to stay with him for awhile.  That made my mommy heart happy!  He did remind us that he'll likely be born with jaundice but that's totally fine because we've always loved yellow anyway ;)  Overall we are very pleased with how the appointment went!  Baby boy continues to cooperate well and make us all proud.

I still haven't had a chance to talk to my OB since he got back in town yesterday but we have our regular monthly appointment with him next week so we'll be able to talk to him about everything and find out whether or not he can deliver at IMC at that time.  My fingers and toes are still crossed that he'll be able to come deliver!

Even though we still have a ways to go with this pregnancy, the doctors at PCH have been so great about getting the orders ready for Austin's lab work once he's born that will confirm he doesn't have SCID.  Our pediatrician has a copy of the orders and so do we.  It's comforting knowing we'll be all set in that regard when delivery comes. 

My nausea is just about gone!  I threw up once this week and had a couple close calls after that but for the most part I feel so much better.  I sleep great right now and often sleep through the night without having to use the bathroom.  I try to get all my water drinking in by dinner time so my bladder can be as empty as possible when I go to bed and it seems to really help.  I know I'll get to the point where I'm waking up at least once a night so I will cherish this time while it lasts.

Little man's movements started to become much stronger this week and it's so much fun!  Logan has felt tiny movements a couple times but nothing super strong yet so we're both looking forward to that happening!  I feel him the most at night and in the morning and I can't think of a better way to go to sleep or wake up each day :)

The paint in the nursery is up and it looks better than I could have imagined!  I was nervous choosing the color because the bedroom only has one tiny window so natural light is hard to come by but it looks awesome!  Before we have the carpet installed there's a few finishing touches that need to be completed and that should happen within the next few days.  The room should be completely finished and ready to be decorated in about two weeks!

Weight: 134.0 (This week: -.2 | Total: +13.2)

22 weeks down, 16 (hopefully!) to go! **I will deliver no later than 38 weeks**

21 Weeks

Once again, I'm going to feel like a broken record but I have to start this post by doing my best to express the gratitude we feel for the outpouring of love and support we received this past week.  Every single comment, text message, phone call, etc. was such a lift and brought such comfort to us.  We have undoubtedly felt the power of each prayer offered on our behalf and feel a special peace regarding our situation that we hadn't felt before.  I wish we could do more than say thank you!

I want to quickly share a sweet experience that my mom had on Friday morning last week, just a few days after we discovered the Rh issues.  This is definitely a tender mercy we don't want to forget.  My mom works in the temple on Tuesdays and Thursdays but she got a call late Thursday night asking if she could come in and help for a few hours on Friday because the temple was so busy.  She knew she had a full day herself but felt like she should be there to help as long as she could.  As she was changing in the temple, she started chatting with an elderly woman who was telling my mom that when she was born, all of her internal organs were reversed.  At one point my mom asked her if she was ever able to have children because of it and she said: "Oh yes, and I have Rh negative blood and that was back before the RhoGam shot so each of my kids was at risk because they had positive blood but they are all healthy!"  My mom hadn't mentioned me at all so she couldn't believe the timing of this conversation.  I know that experience wasn't a coincidence at all but a blessing and message for us.  We may have a tougher time getting our babies here but I'm confident we'll be very blessed in that regard when all is said and done.  I've listened to the following song a number of times but up until this past week I've never really paid attention to the lyrics and I love them.  I think they're perfect for what we're going through right now and I like to imagine Eli saying these words to us.

May the good Lord bless and keep you

Whether near or far away

May you find that long awaited

Golden day today.

May your troubles all be small ones

And your fortunes ten times ten

May the good Lord bless and keep you

Till we meet again.

May you walk with sunlight shining

And a bluebird in every tree

May there be a silver lining

Back on every cloud you see.

Fill your dreams with sweet tomorrows

Never mind what might have been

May the good Lord bless and keep you

Till we meet again.

Listening to this song helps remind me to always keep a positive attitude, be grateful for the blessings we're given during trials, and to not look back and wish for things that weren't part of God's plan.

This week was calm and event free and that's just how we like it!  We have another MCA scan on Wednesday so we're looking forward to seeing how little Austin is doing.  I've written down a few questions that I'm excited to get answers to and my OB gets back in town next week after being gone for 2 1/2 weeks so I can't wait to talk to him about everything that has happened since he left.  Next week's update should include a lot of (hopefully) good news/info!  We did receive the results of some more blood work they ran at our first MCA scan last last week and the news was unsurprising.  We learned two things: 1. He's a boy and 2. He has positive blood.  There was a TINY chance he had negative blood and then all that has happened wouldn't matter anymore but the doctors were pretty sure that wasn't the case otherwise I wouldn't have become sensitized and created the antibodies.  We decided to check just to be sure.  Oh, and it's nice to know that he's still a boy :)

The throwing up has slowed down considerably and it's SO nice!  I only threw up two times this week and I don't even feel too sick when I don't.  I think it's safe to say I'm finally moving past that awfulness!  Food is becoming much more bearable and there aren't too many things I won't eat (aside from red sauce!).  Feeling better physically will definitely help me deal with the other concerns we have about this pregnancy now so I'm really happy I'm feeling so much better.

I'm starting to feel more and more movement but because of the placement of the placenta (right on my stomach) I don't feel as much as I did at this point with Eli.  If he's low or more on the side then I can feel little kicks but nothing right in front.  However, one day this week I went to sit down at the table to eat dinner and he kicked me so hard I seriously thought Logan had walked over and pushed on my stomach super hard.  I was like: "Hey!" and I looked around and he was across the room.  It was super weird.  Sometimes I feel like I crush him when I sit down and it freaks me out. 

The nursery continues to come together quickly and I'm so excited about it!  Mud and tape is finished and tomorrow Logan and my brother and sister-in law will paint!  I've been pushing to get the room done before I get too far along (and many people have thought I'm crazy) because I didn't want to be scrambling at the end trying to get it all together.  Now that I will deliver at least a couple weeks early I'm so happy they're making such good time.  And let's be honest, I just can't wait to decorate! :)

Weight: 134.2 (This week: +2.2...¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | Total: + 13.4)

21 weeks down, 19 (hopefully!) to go!

20 Weeks & a Twist

Wow.  What a week.  I was expecting this post to talk about how thrilled I am to be halfway through this pregnancy but unfortunately that's not the focus.  I am thrilled, don't get me wrong, but we now have a more serious issue on our hands.  You may recall me mentioning in last week's post that we were waiting to hear back from my doctor's office regarding my blood work that was taken at my last appointment.  Well, we heard back but we didn't hear the best news.  It looks like this pregnancy is going to be quite the wild ride the rest of the way.

After consulting with high-risk specialists, it has been confirmed that little Austin has Rh Disease.  For those of you that are unfamiliar with this, I will do my best to explain what it is.  During my pregnancy with Eli, we discovered the I have Rh negative blood.  Because Eli likely had Rh positive blood from Logan (and he did), it would have been a danger to Eli if our blood mixed.  To prevent anything from happening to him, I received a RhoGam shot at 28 weeks, which would protect him in the event our blood mixed.  Mom's and baby's blood has the best chance of mixing toward the end of pregnancy which is why they give the shot later on.  I also received a RhoGam shot after delivery to protect the baby during my next pregnancy.  **RhoGam prevents your body from creating antibodies that would attack a baby with positive blood.**

While having negative blood isn't super common, a decent amount of women do have it so they receive the RhoGam shot and all is typically well.  I expected that to be the case with me.  However, I fall into the "small/rare" group of women (of course) who become what is called sensitized.  Becoming sensitized means that despite receiving the RhoGam shot, my body still developed antibodies that will fight positive blood. We may never know exactly how I became sensitized but the doctors have a fairly good idea.  I received blood work prior to starting IVF that came back clean but when I had my first blood draw of this pregnancy it came back showing the antibodies.  The doctors expect that mine and Austin's blood mixed early on in this pregnancy (which they say is very rare) and as soon as my body detected his positive blood I developed antibodies and thus became sensitized.

So, what does this mean for Austin and this pregnancy?  That's a great question.  My body will now start to target and attack Austin's red blood cells which can make him anemic.  It can also severely affect his bilirubin levels.  I will now be monitored by high risk doctors at IMC who will do an MCA scan at least every two weeks to check the blood flow to Austin's brain.  If the blood starts pumping faster, it tells us that he is becoming anemic because he's working harder to move blood throughout his body.  Fortunately this is all seen through a traditional U/S.  Right now, Austin's levels look great and he is still thriving and doing really well.  As they continue to monitor him, they will make sure his blood levels stay in a safe range.  If they drop too far, they will have to do an in-utero blood transfusion.  It's wonderful they are able to do this but it definitely comes with risks of its own so we are hoping to avoid it.  The doctors have said that some babies go the entire pregnancy without needing a transfusion while others need several.  Fingers crossed he won't need one.  If we can make it the entire pregnancy without needing a transfusion, I will likely be induced a few weeks early because the end of the pregnancy is even riskier for the baby.  We anticipate he'll need to spend some time in the NICU but hopefully for nothing major.  He could require a transfusion(s) after he's born and he may need to be under the lights for a while but he could also come out of this just fine.  Only time will tell!

The last bit of disappointing news with all of this is that it only gets progressively worse with each pregnancy. Once you become sensitized, you are sensitized forever and there's nothing they can do to help it.  The doctors tell us that this pregnancy will likely be the easiest/lowest risk and each subsequent pregnancy will get worse because I will develop more and more antibodies.  For now we are going to focus on little Austin and not even think that far down the road.

If I just confused you as you read, below is a simple but helpful diagram that explains Rh Disease.

It has definitely been an emotionally/mentally exhausting week as we've tried to wrap our minds around everything.  While it is discouraging to have this on our shoulders, we have absolutely witnessed many miracles on our behalf already.  I want to share some of them so we don't forget about them later on.

-Some women become sensitized after their initial blood work so it's not caught during their pregnancy and then serious things can happen so we are very grateful this was detected early on.

-My placenta is on the front side of my uterus rather than the back so in the event Austin needs a transfusion, they won't have to go through my entire uterus to get to the cord, they will be able to access it right after they enter my stomach.

-IMC handles cases like mine more than most hospitals in the country because of the number of babies that are born here and we only live 10 minutes away.  The specialists we are being followed by are very accomplished in all of this.

-Odds say I should have miscarried as soon as our blood mixed early on but we have been blessed with a healthy baby that continues to thrive and do so well.

-I was initially quite discouraged about having to deliver at IMC rather than Riverton because I may have to see a new OB but when I was talking to my pediatrician's nurse about everything that's going on she told me that because we're delivering at IMC, my pediatrician will come over to the hospital and take care of Austin as soon as he's born.  This was a huge relief to us!

Logan and I have great faith that this pregnancy and little Austin's health is in Heavenly Father's hands and that brings us a ton of peace.  Our goal is to keep this little boy cooking until he's full term so fingers crossed he stays well enough to make that happen!

Weight: 132.0 (This week: -.4 | Total: +11.2)

20 weeks down, 20 (hopefully!) to go!

19 Weeks

This week was great!  I have to start with our anatomy scan on Monday because that was the definite highlight of the week!  Austin is clearly ALL boy and he wasn't afraid to show us!  Even if we had never seen an U/S before it would have been easy to notice his little boy parts. Even more importantly: Everything looked healthy and well and his growth is right on track for how far along I am.  At the time of the U/S I was 18 weeks and 3 days and he measured exactly that!  We couldn't have asked for anything more from the anatomy scan and we feel so blessed.  One thing they will keep an eye on is my placenta because it is currently low line.  It's not completely covering my cervix but a small lip of it is covered. We will check it again in a couple months and if it hasn't moved then I will likely have to have a c-section. Honestly, I'm not worried about it at all. It's nice knowing about it because I likely won't feel him move as soon or as often but now I won't worry that I'm not.  I feel very peaceful about it and if I have to have a c-section then that's just fine.  As long as our boy is healthy, I'll be happy no matter how he comes out!

I can't remember if I already mentioned this (and I'm too lazy to look back) but I'm definitely continuing to feel Braxton Hicks and other fun stuff going on in my lower abdomen.  I wonder if I started feeling those things sooner this time around because my placenta is low line.  My doctor said it's all normal and nothing to worry about.  I'm hoping that within the next week or two I start to feel stronger movement but my doctor said to not be surprised if I don't because of where my placenta is.  I'm still convinced I've felt him here and there but nothing that has completely sold me yet.  

Throwing up is still a recurring event each morning but I do feel pretty good for the rest of the day afterwards.  I have a feeling the nausea is starting to slow down (hopefully!) and expect to be completely over it in a month or so like my last pregnancy.  My energy is slowly starting to pick back up so that's nice.  I'm not back to making regular dinners yet but I did make a home cooked meal last night for the first time in ages!  I hope, for Logan's sake, I can keep it up! 

I may be crazy but I'm pretty sure my inhalers are already making a big, positive difference.  I can breathe much easier and my blood pressure at my appointment on Monday was quite a bit lower than it has been lately.  Yahoo!  They repeated my OB blood work at my appointment to make sure nothing has jumped too high so hopefully we hear good news regarding that.

The nursery is coming along faster than I could have hoped for and it's so exciting!  Tomorrow will mark 3 weeks since they started working on it and the drywall is already completely up!  All we have left is mud and tape, paint, finishes, and carpet.  Ooh it's so much fun :)

Weight: 132.4 (This week: +.8 | Total: + 11.6) MUCH better!  **One thing I need to keep in mind as far as my weight goes is that I've been keeping track of it since I was 2.5 weeks so my weight gain is going to be a bit higher than if I had started tracking it at my first appointment (around 11 weeks) like last time.  According to my OB's records, I've gained 7 pounds so far this pregnancy.  Hearing that made me feel better for sure :)**

19 weeks down, 21 to go!

18 Weeks

18 weeks!  I tried out a dumb idea this week and don't plan on doing so again.  On Sunday I woke up sick but rather than throwing up, I went straight upstairs to eat.  I was hoping that maybe I felt so sick each morning because I had an empty stomach but that wasn't the case.  I didn't throw up what I ate but I felt even worse the rest of the day because I never got it out of my system early on.  I would much rather get the throwing up over with and feel a bit better throughout the day.

As far as food goes this week, I was really into cold cereal again.  If I can't find anything that sounds good then cereal is a safe fallback option for me.  I'm pretty sure I ate cereal for breakfast and dinner several times this week.  I should probably look into some less sugary cereals if I'm going to keep this trend up!  Turkey sandwiches were my go-to for lunch.  Yes, I eat turkey and no, I don't worry it's bad for Austin.  My doctor has told me it's just fine to eat lunch meat and his opinion is the one I value most.  

Headaches appeared with a vengeance this week.  I've dealt with constant headaches for years but they have been much better since I gave up caffeine last summer.  I was hoping the cause was mostly soda but obviously that's not the issue right now.  I know pregnancy can cause headaches but hopefully they don't last too long.  I try not to take too much pain relief since I'm pregnant so I've mostly been dealing with them on my own.  Fingers crossed they don't stay around forever!

Still no super strong movement but I'm definitely feeling lots of things here and there that I'm pretty sure are small arms and legs!  I woke up in the middle of the night one night this week and had my hand on my stomach and I swear I could feel him moving all across my hand.  I have no idea if it was real or if I was dreaming but I like to think it was real :) I'm hoping/thinking that within the next two weeks I'll feel something more convincing!

For many years (probably 10+) I've dealt with a breathing issue that causes shortness of breath and makes me feel like I often can't take a full, deep breath.  I saw an internist several years ago but nothing really came of it so I just put it on the back burner and dealt with it.  The issue seemed to come and go over the years but for the past 2ish years it has come on stronger and bothered me more.  After constant badgering from Logan and my family, I finally mentioned it to my OB and he referred me to a pulmonologist.  I went this week and I am SO glad I did!  My lungs sounded great and I was oxygenating at 100% but the results of the PFT (pulmonary function test) were quite telling.  They tested me once at the beginning of the appointment and then they gave me an Albuterol treatment and tested me again a few minutes later.  According to the doctor, the results of my PFT were significantly better after I was given the Albuterol treatment so she diagnosed me with moderate to severe asthma.  It is so nice having an answer!  I definitely noticed a difference in my breathing after the treatment so that was great.  I will be treated with two different inhalers and will go back in a month or so as a follow-up to see how it's going.  After my appointment I was doing some research on asthma and pregnant women and I read something that made me so excited!  It said that it is not uncommon for untreated asthma to lead to high blood pressure/pre-eclampsia in pregnant women.  I'm hoping that untreated asthma lead to my pre-eclampsia with Eli because then I'd be less likely to get it this time since I'll be treated.  Thank goodness for doctors!   

As for the nursery, they were able to get a lot done last Saturday!  Now that Logan has started school they will likely save the work for just Saturdays rather than also working on weeknights.  The framing is finished and so is all of the electrical!  I think the plan tomorrow is to put in the insulation and install the HVAC.  Drywall isn't too far out and I know it will start to feel much more complete once that happens!  (**We are going to paint on our own but want to hire the taping and mudding out.  If anyone knows someone that does taping and mudding but doesn't charge an arm and a leg we'd love to get their info!**)

We're pretty excited for our anatomy scan next week!  I can't wait to see how much baby Austin has grown and of course make sure he is developing well!

Weight: 131.6 (This week: +2.2 | Total: + 10.8) Umm...that's not okay...haha.

18 weeks down, 22 to go!

Birthday Week!

Last week was birthday week in our home!  Eli (would have) turned two on Sunday the 4th and Logan turned 25 on the 6th.  It has been a fun week with a few tearjerker moments and a lot of opportunities to remind ourselves how much we have to be grateful for.  It's definitely good for me to have those reminders during tougher times like these.

I can't believe my baby would be two.  Eli's first birthday wasn't too crazy for me to wrap my mind around but I really have a hard time believing he would be two.  I would give anything to see him running around, learning to talk, playing sports, and who knows, maybe even potty training!  I know we would have had so much fun this Christmas as he understood a bit more who Santa was and probably cared more about the presents than the wrapping paper and boxes.  Thinking about all of those things is difficult, of course, but I try to remind myself that we will get to see those things, we just need to wait awhile.  Obviously we would give anything to have Eli here with us but there have absolutely been moments that we've gone through something difficult unrelated to his passing where I knew he was with us and was so grateful to have him on the other side because I know he can work miracles where he is that he wouldn't be able to perform here.  We will continue to cherish having such a perfect guardian angel and do our best to remember that we will get back all of this lost time with him.

It's hard for me to know how much to celebrate the birthday of a child that has died so the last two years we've just played it by ear and done what feels best.  I would assume some years we'll make it a big deal while other years we won't do too much.  Last year was definitely tough and felt pretty somber so I wanted this year to be as fun and happy as possible, even if we didn't go all out.  I feel like we accomplished that!

When Logan and I were with the Jorgensens on New Year's Day, a lot of my family went to visit Eli and sing to him.  They sent us the sweetest video of them singing and it made me so happy but I also shed a few tears as well.  I'm sure he was right there with them!

On Eli's actual birthday we went over to my parents' for a delicious dinner and had a mini party for our boy. We sang Happy Birthday, ate a yummy cake, and of course had to open a present.  Last year my parents got me and Logan each a special gift from Eli and this year they gave little Austin an adorable outfit from his older brother.  Hopefully Eli doesn't mind giving rather than receiving on his birthday :)

I initially loved the the thought of Logan and Eli having their birthdays just two days apart but now it makes me nervous that Logan's special day will get lost in the remembrance of Eli.  I'm determined to make sure Logan has a HAPPY birthday each year so I hope that was the case this year!

Logan had never eaten at PF Changs so we went there for dinner and he loved it!  The highlight of the dinner was definitely the Banana Spring Rolls Dessert.  It is to die for!  The ice cream is coconut pineapple and it is heavenly.  Add fried bananas topped with their caramel/vanilla syrup and fresh fruit and you really can't get any better!

Logan claims he felt very spoiled on his birthday so that made me happy.  Everyone from his co-workers to both of our families and friends made him feel extra special, just like he deserves!  Happy 25th, Rico!  I sure love you and hope you had a special day!