PICU Update

I've said this before, but now that our situation has changed in the last 24 hours I can definitely say it again: It's so easy to take the little things for granted.  When we first got to the hospital a couple months ago I remember thinking that I missed being able to do the small things at home with Eli like put him in his own crib, hold him without tubes and cords all over the place or look at his cute face without the oxygen.  Right now I would give anything to do those things!  It's definitely tough living in a hospital but at least for the past 2 months Logan and I have been able to take care of Eli and do most things for him.  Right now we can't do anything but look at him and hope he feels us there with him and knows how much we love him.

We still don't know everything but we know more than yesterday.  Eli is in critical condition in the ICU due to respiratory failure and he has also tested positive for the Rhino Virus.  In an adult it's typically a simple cold but in a baby with no immune system it's much more serious.  As I mentioned yesterday, there are a number of other things that could be wrong but we still can't test for most of them.  It's possible he has a collapsed lung, has pneumonia (or some other virus or bacteria), his CMV could be getting worse and it's also very likely that he's this sick as a result of his body trying to engraft.  It's a tough situation because we obviously don't want him to be sick but we really want/need him to engraft so hopefully his body will continue to do that so his new white cells can help fight whatever is going on inside.  Eli's team would love to do a scope of his lungs because it would likely tell them exactly what's going on but in order to do a scope he would have to be off the ventilator for at least 30 seconds and right now he desatts when they do something as simple as change his diaper so rather than do the scope, they have him on a number of antibiotics to treat him for many different things since they don't know exactly what it is. As his lungs get stronger, they may try doing the scope but there's also a chance he'll just need time to heal and we might not find out exactly what's causing all of this.

We were talking to Eli's team last night and telling them how it was so weird that he seemed to be doing pretty good yesterday morning and then in a matter of just a couple hours have complete respiratory failure and be so sick and they told us that babies are very resilient and will fight super hard for a long time and then they just hit a wall and shut down in a way so you're not given much warning.  There's no denying that everything happens exactly when and how it should because they got him down here to the ICU pretty quick and from the time we left our room to the time they got him down here his throat had almost completely closed so it was quite difficult for them to get the breathing tube in and took a couple doctors several attempts.  Logan and I probably should have left the room while they intubated him because it didn't do us any good to see his satts drop all the way down below 20 before they were finally able to get everything under control.  As soon as he was stable with the ventilator, an arterial line was placed in his wrist to allow them more access for meds as well as a more accurate blood pressure and later last night he had to have another central line placed in his femoral artery. They started around 7:30 or a little before and were thinking it would only take about 45 minutes but they didn't finish until 10:30 with just a short break in there.  He doesn't have great blood flow to his legs right now so it was tough finding the vein but it was successfully placed in the end.  On top of his original central line, new central line and art line he also now has a peripheral IV because they need a lot more access due to all of the meds he's on.

There's only room for one parent to sleep in the PICU so I slept in here last night and Logan was able to sleep upstairs in our regular room so it was really nice to have him here close by.  There's no way I could do this without him!  Despite everything that is going on, Logan and I can't deny the peace we feel about Eli's health.  He is in a tough place right now and at times it's almost unbearable to watch your baby go through something like this but we know this is just another bridge we have to cross to get him entirely healthy.  It's wonderful knowing he couldn't be in a better hospital that is more equipped to take care of him.  We are so grateful the nurses and doctors are able to give Eli medicine to make him sleep and essentially feel paralyzed so he doesn't experience any pain.  It's a wonderful thought for me to think that the next time he wakes up he will feel a ton better and won't know what has been going on.  Last, but definitely not least, if it wasn't for the countless prayers and power of the priesthood I know I definitely wouldn't feel as comforted as I do.  Thanks to the support of so many, our little fighter is going to make it through this!

Fight on, Eli!

(Ps...I probably won't post any pictures for awhile because he's not exactly in the most picturesque state.)

(Pss...Another thing Logan and I will never take for granted ever again: How wonderful the ICS unit it!  Don't get me wrong, this whole hospital is incredible but the ICS unit feels like home.  We miss everyone from the cleaning crew to the techs to the nurses and doctors so much!  Hopefully we can get back up there soon!)