Since last Friday, several people that weren't able to make it to Eli's funeral have asked me to post my talk on here. I've hesitated to do so because I hate to draw attention to my talk alone but everyone has been so supportive I felt like I should. Logan's talk, which was equally as great, isn't written out like mine so I can't include it as well but those of you that were able to be there know how wonderful he did!
Elder
Joseph B. Wirthlin left with us a remarkable legacy, including an incomparable
conference talk given in October of 2006.
Of the life changing events we commemorated on Easter Sunday, he said:
“I
think of how dark that Friday was when Christ was lifted up on the cross. Those evil men who sought His life rejoiced. Now that Jesus was no more, surely those who
followed Him would disperse. On that day they stood triumphant. On that Friday the Savior of mankind was
humiliated and bruised, abused and reviled.
It was a Friday filled with devastating, consuming sorrow that gnawed at
the souls of those who loved and honored the Son of God. I think that of all the days since the
beginning of this world’s history, that Friday was the darkest.”
Each
one of us will have our Fridays while here in mortality. I have had mine. For as long as I can remember, I have dreamt
of becoming a mother. Whenever I was
asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I told them that I wanted to be a
mom. Even my college degree in
Elementary Education was completed with the primary intent of making me a
better mother. Fortunately, I fell in
love with a man who had the same dreams of parenthood that I did.
We
chose not to delay starting a family after our marriage nearly two years
ago. We hoped and prayed that the Lord
would bless us with a child. Becoming
pregnant proved to be more difficult than I had anticipated and we were
thrilled to learn one year ago that we were expecting our little Eli. After a challenging pregnancy, we became a
family of three on the fourth of January.
The joy Logan and I felt exceeded even our expectations. Eli was absolutely beautiful and appeared to
be perfect in every way.
At
a mere five weeks old and following an aggressive rash, Eli was hospitalized
and diagnosed with an immune deficiency that would begin the fight of his
life.
Eli’s
diagnosis left me feeling helpless and heartbroken. Every mother’s desire is to protect her
children and shelter them from any pain.
I felt entirely powerless. In
order for Eli to have any chance of survival, we had to submit him to pain and
suffering. That realization was
devastating.
The
words of President Boyd K. Packer bring comfort and perspective during our
Fridays. He compares our lives to a
three act play:
“There
are three parts to the plan. You are in the second or the middle part, the one
in which you will be tested by temptation, by trials, perhaps by tragedy. Understand that and you will be better able to
make sense of life and to resist the disease of doubt and despair and
depression.”
He
continues:
“If
you expect to find only ease and peace and bliss during act 2, you surely will
be frustrated. You will understand little of what is going on and why things
are permitted to be as they are. Remember this! The line ‘And they all lived
happily ever after’ is never written into the second act. That line belongs in
the third act, when the mysteries are solved and everything is put right.
Until you have a broad perspective of the eternal nature of this great drama,
you won’t make much sense out of the inequities in life. Some are born with so
little and others with so much. Some are born in poverty, with handicaps, with
pain, with suffering. Some experience premature death, even innocent children.
There are the brutal, unforgiving forces of nature and the brutality of man to
man. Do not suppose that God willfully causes that which, for his own purposes,
he permits. When you know the plan and purpose of it all, even these things
will manifest a loving Father in Heaven.”
I
am not here to suggest that I completely understand the plan and purpose of all
that Eli had to suffer. However, I do
believe with all of my heart that his suffering was not in vain and I know that
one day Logan and I will have a perfect understanding of the precious purposes
of every day of our son’s brief life.
King Benjamin taught this valuable truth:
Believe
in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in Heaven and
in Earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in Heaven and in
Earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can
comprehend.
By
the time the third act of our life closes, we will comprehend all that the Lord
comprehends and we will live happily ever after.
As
you know, the majority of Eli’s brief life was spent at the hospital. Logan and I were determined not only to
endure his hospital stay but find joy there as well. While we weren’t able to participate in
typical new baby activities, we discovered happiness in simple things such as
dressing him in a new outfit every morning, watching Jazz games together and
capturing his first smiles during our many photo shoots.
Our
happiness wasn’t confined to our hospital room.
Logan and I were blessed to become acquainted with many extraordinary
people during our stay. Some of the
finest people I have ever met are the parents of those children who are waging
battles similar to Eli’s. These families
who are bearing heavy burdens of their own were quick to reach out and make our
burdens lighter. We will be forever
grateful for their amazing examples of faith and courage.
It
takes a special person to serve critically ill children day in and day
out. Each of Eli’s caregivers was
blessed with exceptional gifts of caring and compassion. These good men and women celebrated each
victory with us and grieved every setback.
We were never alone. Because of
Eli’s need for strict isolation, our family and friends had very restricted
visiting privileges. As a result, the
hospital staff became our family.
Elder
Uchtdorf reminds us:
"We shouldn't wait to be happy until we reach
some future point, only to discover that happiness was already available--all
the time! Life is not meant to be appreciated only in retrospect...there is
something in each day to embrace and cherish. There is something in each
day that can bring gratitude and joy if only we will see and appreciate
it."
The
greatest lesson I learned during our hospital stay is how much we are all known
and loved by our Heavenly Father. It is
sometimes easy to forget God during the sunny days of our lives but when the
storms rage around us, we find our knees and plead for understanding and
miracles. Survivors of the Willie and
Martin handcart company expressed the feelings of my heart when they said:
“The
price we paid to become acquainted with God was a privilege to pay.”
Perhaps
the darkest of our Fridays occurred one week ago when Logan and I made the
decision to say goodbye to our precious baby.
Despite our knowledge of a glorious reunion one day with Eli, separation
is excruciating.
Returning
to Elder Wirthlin, I quote:
I
think that of all the days since the beginning of this world’s history, that
Friday was the darkest. But the doom of
that day did not endure. The despair did
not linger because on Sunday, the resurrected Lord burst the bonds of death. He
ascended from the grave and appeared gloriously triumphant as the Savior of all
mankind.
And
in an instant the eyes that had been filled with ever-flowing tears dried. The
lips that had whispered prayers of distress and grief now filled the air with
wondrous praise, for Jesus the Christ, the Son of the living God, stood before
them as the firstfruits of the Resurrection, the proof that death is merely the
beginning of a new and wondrous existence.
Each
of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems
shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all
will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together
again. We will all have our Fridays. But
I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In
the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come.
No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In
this life or the next, Sunday will come.”
Once again, thank you for the continued support that Logan and I appreciate so much! A friend of mine posted this song on Facebook today and it definitely hit home for me. I dream about the day I will see Eli again and know it will be a glorious reunion!
