In God's Hands

One of the toughest things about being here in the hospital, particularly the ICU, is how fast things can change.  One minute everything can be going pretty well and the next moment it seems like everything is going wrong.  If it wasn't for the amazing amount of prayers and support we constantly receive we'd never be able to make it through this.  To our amazing families, friends and those of you that have been praying for us that we haven't yet been able to meet: You will never know what a strength your support is to us. We can feel every prayer and positive thought sent our way and we know, without a doubt, it is bringing strength to us every second of every day.

Yesterday morning was a typical, quiet day and all seemed to be going pretty well.  Eli was handling the increase in his dialysis well and we were very pleased with the progress he was making.  Later in the afternoon Logan noticed that Eli wasn't moving the left side of his body.  He doesn't have a lot of muscle strength but he is able to move his fingers, hands and feet and hold onto things.  We watched him for several minutes and noticed that he was moving his right hand and foot quite a bit but his left side was completely limp and wouldn't respond to touch.  We pointed this out to our nurse and she went to mention it to the team.  A couple minutes later Eli was on his way downstairs for an emergency MRI because they were worried he had had a stroke.  Everything happened very fast but the minute we had a second to sit down as we waited for the MRI to take place, it broke our hearts to think that Eli had one more thing on his plate to deal with.  We knelt down and said a prayer together that Eli, Logan and I would feel peace regarding the situation and know that everything is in God's hands.  It's amazing what the power of the spirit can do.

Although a complete MRI takes a decent amount of time, the doctors knew right away that Eli had suffered a stroke.  Because of his low platelets, they were sure it was a stroke due to bleeding on the brain and they immediately began to order platelets in an attempt to help ease the bleeding as much as possible.  However, after further examination, they found that the stroke actually happened because a blood clot had lodged itself somewhere at the base of his brain and wasn't allowing any blood or oxygen to get to the entire right side of his brain.  With our very untrained eyes, it was easy for me and Logan to see how serious this blood clot and brain injury truly is with one look at the computer screen.

As soon as Eli got back from the MRI, we met with the team as they explained to us the seriousness of the situation and what our options were.  Because of how low Eli's platelets already are, he isn't a candidate for things like clot-busting medications that they might typically use.  Due to him being so sick already, there's really not much they can do other than make him comfortable and wait to see how he reacts and handles the blood clot on his own.  They have told us that the next 72 hours will be crucial to his long-term status.  There is a big chance Eli could get much sicker in the next 3 days so we will continue to watch him very closely and hope for a quiet, comfortable time for him.

One thing I have always tried to think about when times get tough is the well-known Serenity Prayer.  The first part that most people talk about is great but I love the entire thing that isn't spoken about as often.

God grant me the serenity 

to accept the things I cannot change; 

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time; 

Enjoying one moment at a time; 

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; 

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it; 

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life 

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

At times like this when we feel so helpless because there isn't much we can do for Eli, it is such a comfort to remember that God's will will be done and we just need to have faith that it is perfect for Eli and for us.  Although the odds are entirely against him, we know that if it's meant to be, miracles can happen and we are holding on to that hope.  The greatest comfort Logan and I have right now is the knowledge that we are sealed to Eli and he is ours for eternity.  There is no greater comfort than that.

Fight on, sweet Eli